Reflections on Social Intelligence

Sometimes what we read can truly inspire. Sometimes a book speaks in a way that compels me to record my thoughts on what it means to me and how it might help shape my future.  Social Intelligence: the New Science of Human Relationships by Daniel Goleman, is just such a book.  I would like to share some of the book’s main messages with you with the hope that you will also find some value in them.

Goleman tells us that human brains are wired to connect socially with one another and that those connections actually affect us physically in measurable ways.  “Social neuroscience” is a new field in which scientists are mapping and identifying the areas of the brain responsible for social interaction and the effects of our positive and negative encounters with one another.

Negativity is contagious – it has measurable physiological effects that perpetuate negative attitudes by subconsciously passing them on to others. A positive attitude, on the other hand, increases positivity in others.  When two people feel a rapport they actually attune to each other physiologically.  People who are in synch develop strikingly similar brain wave activity and other physiological measurements such as breathing patterns.

This means that it is almost impossible to fake sincerity.  The subconscious mind is capable of recognizing subtle cues denoting insincerity in others. If we trust our feelings, we get a “sense” for that insincerity and it affects the quality of our social relationship with that person.

I believe that leaders, managers, teachers and parents must be keenly aware of how their behaviors can positively or negatively affect those whom they lead, guide, teach or raise.  How we make others feels affects how they perform.

Following are some of the main ideas I derived from the book on how to improve your social intelligence and enhance your interactions with others.

Attunement is a key component of Social Intelligence.  It is the ability to listen deeply and it tends to be very strong in successful leaders, sales professionals and those working in helping industries like medicine.  We attune to others by investing ourselves completely in any interaction with them.  Listening without interrupting is one of the most valuable tools in this process.

           

            Multitasking splits our ability to focus completely on one thing and dulls our ability to develop a strong resonance with others.  When we are interaction with someone, it is best to focus solely on that person.

Even simple positive behaviors like smiling can affect others neurochemically.  We actually feel what we are observing, both on the conscious and the subconscious level.

Empathetic accuracy tends to correlate with the most successful sales reps and leaders.  It is when your active conscious mind can accurately read the clues being communicated to your empathetic subconscious mind and you can act in resonance with what you “sense’ is right.

Be inspired and have a great day.