Being Unforgettable

Good Morning Everyone.  Today’s Monday Morning Motivational Minute is about confidence, empathy and being unforgettable.  I found my inspiration in a Dale Carnegie course called, Make Yourself Unforgettable and begin with a quote from that course material.

“When you lack confidence in yourself, others are very likely to agree with you.”

I have a very basic belief. I believe that when you interact with others, people really do want to feel good about you.  If you meet someone, they want to like you. They want to connect with you.  It is a very powerful and natural element of the human experience and it is an instinct that is hardwired into our brains.  It is also up to you whether or not you make it easy or difficult for them to do so. So it is not so difficult to understand that confidence in social situations is very important. But, what then, really is confidence? 

Confidence is not as easy as simply believing that anything is possible and never having any doubts. This notion that you can do anything you set your mind to is a great idea.  But just maybe it is not the whole picture.  Maybe true confidence is not the certainty that you will always succeed or that you will never fail.  Maybe it’s the certainty that you will always do your best because doing so is the only thing you truly have control over every moment of your life.  Someone who is truly confident can recognize their own limitations without becoming preoccupied by them.

Why is it that some people make such a strong and lasting impression? Why are they so unforgettable?

According to Dale Carnegie, there are three key social skills that truly unforgettable people possess.

1. The capacity to relax in social situations.  If you feel uncomfortable you can expect everyone to agree with you.
2. Talk less and listen more.  Mark Twain once said, “If we were meant to talk more than we listen, we would have 2 mouths and one ear.”
3. And the most important of all is empathy.  You must genuinely be interested in the thoughts, experiences and feelings of others.  

If you have ever played “topper” in a conversation you’ll easily understand the point.  Topper is an easy game and it goes like this.  Someone tells you something about themselves and then you quickly launch into a far more interesting story about how you did the same thing only faster or higher or longer or maybe better.  You get the point.  Sound familiar?  Topper is such a powerful impulse you can actually see people struggling to hold back in a conversation until they can finally get their chance to get started talking about themselves.

We all do it.

Truly unforgettable people do not.  They have true confidence and have no need.  For them, confidence and empathy are not separate. And if you don’t believe me, maybe Dwight Eisenhower can convince you.  During World War Two Eisenhower was the supreme commander of allied forces in Europe.   Just before the Normandy invasion, a number of names were given to him for possible promotion to General.  One of the men requested a meeting with Eisenhower to speak on his own behalf.  He said something like this.  “Sir, I have every possible qualification to be a commander.  I have absolutely no fear.  I’ve distinguished myself in combat for more than 20 years.  I have tireless energy. I hardly ever need to sleep. I can drive a tank. I can fly a plane. I can climb mountains.  I can swim rivers.  I can walk across desserts.  What more could you want?”  Eisenhower listened closely and replied. “You sound like an amazing soldier but that’s just the point.  Most of our soldiers are not amazing and we need generals who can understand and empathize with those men.  I’m sorry, but I have to deny the promotion.”

Eisenhower understood that being an unforgettable leader takes more than just confidence in your own strengths.  It also means empathizing with the shortcomings of others.

So in the end, confidence isn’t something you have so much as it is something you give that is reflected back to you.

This week, try thinking about your own reflection, be inspired, and have a great week.